so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
