I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
