the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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