No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Houston, we have a blender
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
