Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize