ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
