I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
