I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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