Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
