Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
