I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize