Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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