Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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