I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
