New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found your dick twin last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
