My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
