True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everything about him screamed your future.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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