It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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