the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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