Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
