Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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