I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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