whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
