my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
