Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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