Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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