I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I understand Curling. That high.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
