I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize