we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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