I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
