I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
