i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
