Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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