No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
