I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
