i may or may not be watching the land before time
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
