He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize