Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
