need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
