She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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