Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
