turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
