It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
