my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
