please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
