When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
