She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize