Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
