That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
