Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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