Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
