God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
