You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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