zippers are such a cool invention
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
