She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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