when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
