once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
