Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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