I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
