you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
