Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
