Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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