Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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