My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
