I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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