O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
