Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
