It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
