She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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